WEDDDING TOASTS-FUNNY

I laugh, I love, I hope, I try I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same things too, So we're really not that different, me and you.
Colin Raye

Love is like a war:Easy to begin Hard to end!
ancient Proverbs

To often, we lose sight of lifes simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch-slap that mother.... upside the head. Pass it on...
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Love is blind -- marriage is the eye-opener.
Pauline Thomason

Love - a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker.
Anonymous

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon.
Chris Rock

Silence is golden but duck tape is silver.
Anonymous

Here's to you and here's to me, and I hope we never disagree. But, if that should ever be, to HELL with you, here's to ME!
Anonymous

Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box
Italian Proverb

Behind every bitch is the man who made her that way.
Anoymous anoymous

The bravest thing that men do is love women
Mort Sahl

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.
Charlie Brown

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
Albert Einstein

Forget love... I'd rather fall in chocolate.
Anonymous

The sweeter the apple, the blacker the core. Scratch a lover and find a foe.
Dorothy Rothschild Parker

Gravity is not to blame for two people falling in love.
Unknown Unknown

"EVERY WOMEN HAS THE EXACT LOVE LIFE THAT SHE WANTS."
UNKNOWN UNKNOWN

It's easy to halve the potato where there's love.
Irish Proverb

[The lover says:] How beautiful you are, now that you love me
Marlene Dietrich

First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity.
George Bernard Shaw

If evolution were true, mothers would have more than two hands. Only God gave us eyes in the back of our heads and the power to tune things out.
Courtney S.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family does too.
Anonymous

I remember a time when everybody I loved hated me because I hated them. - Letter to Stuart Sutcliffe circa 1960
John Lennon

Don't question GOD, as he may say, if you are so eager for answers, then please come up.
Anonymous

You have to be able to laugh at yourself. That's what I tell Asian people all the time.
Sarah Silverman

I was going to get an abortion the other day. I totally wanted an abortion. And it turns out I was just thirsty.
Sarah Silverman

I'll tell you why we make fun of midgets: We're not afraid of them.
Sarah Silverman

The chances of bread falling buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet!
Anonymous

Love is a passion, which never lasts longer.
Anonymous

Oh, Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends.
Janis Joplin

SS: Jesus is Magic.
Sarah Silverman

I say 'I'm sorry.' It usually disarms them.
Sarah Silverman

This is crazy Donald. When I see the prices at the mall, I just want to vomit.
Sarah Silverman

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. What do you mean? responded her mother. Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another.
Anonymous

A kiss: To a young girl, faith; to a married woman, hope; to an old maid, charity.
V. P. Skipper

I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. -
Dorothy Parker

The music business was not safe, but it was FUN. It was like falling in love with a woman you know is bad for you, but you love every minute with her, anyway.
Lionel Richie

Love is the only kind of fire which is never covered by insurance.
Anonymous

One day my dad who sits on the couch all day asks me what are you doing with your life and i say same thing you are.
jen ayala

Men make love more intensely at 20, but make love better, however, at 30 - Men make love more intensely at 20, but make love better, however, at 30 - Catherine II of Russia
Catherine II

Love at first sight is possible, but it pays to take a second look.
Anonymous

None love the messenger who brings bad news.
Sophocles

Ah Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.
Victor Borge

Love and stoplights can be cruel.
Sesame Street

A slight touch of friendly malice and amusement towards those we love keeps our affections for them from turning flat.
Logan Pearsall Smith

It is in the thirties that we want friends. In the forties we know they won't save us any more than love did.
F Scott Fitzgerald

A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.
Ogden Nash

Love is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important.
Lisa Hoffman

I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me.
Dick Martin

A Code of Honor: Never approach a friend's girlfriend or wife with mischief as your goal. There are just too many women in the world to justify that sort of dishonorable behavior. Unless she's really attractive.
Bruce Friedman