Evan Esar

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.
Evan Esar

If there is anything a _ _ _ _ _ hates it's a drooping mustache
Evan Esar

The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.
Evan Esar

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.
Evan Esar

The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.
Evan Esar

A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name.
Evan Esar

Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either.
Evan Esar

A husband is like a fire - he goes out when unattended.
Evan Esar

Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.
Evan Esar

Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.
Evan Esar

Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose.
Evan Esar

Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.
Evan Esar

A hamburger by any other name costs twice as much.
Evan Esar